Hi all,
Today I am a bit down about my weight and, although candid, I'm going to write about it. Went to Orlando last week for about nine days to visit some family and got the opportunity to head out to a girls weekend in St. Augustine. It was awesome! I had so much fun reconnecting with my best friends just lounging, relaxing, laughing and did I mention eating?! St. Augustine has some pretty amazing restaurants!
I didn't go CRAZY with food and still stuck to some of my rules for eating at a restaurant without curbing your progress
http://fatfreevee.blogspot.com/2014/05/step-away-from-bread-basket-restaurants.html?m=1. CHECK it out. Very helpful. Although, I did give into some things I normally wouldn't, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed them!!! But came home and of course was no longer 142 (weight I left to Orlando at), I weighed145 this morning!!! I know you are probably saying, " SERIOUSLY??? What is the big deal??? SO what? You had a good time and you gained three pounds. Hardly anything!", Right? WRONG!
Well? A combination of the two. I am not sad I let go and didn't go crazy with counting calories or watching all of the ingredients and I do not regret any of the choices food wise I made while away; but I am disappointed that I did gain the weight. I was hoping by some miracle I would stay the same. Hahah.
I am not defined by my weight. I am not a better person if I weigh 140 versus 145 but I FEEL better about myself when I do. Or do I????!!!!! Here is a question I asked my self after I weighed myself this morning? WHY AM I SAD???
When I looked in the mirror BEFORE I weighed myself I was happy! But after, I was sad..... so why am I sad? Before the scale told me I gained three pounds, I looked in the mirror and actually liked the way I looked, I was in a great mood and ready to start the day! But AFTER, I was disappointed, sad, felt really gross, even put on some super baggy clothes to mask the three pounds. But WHY? Why did this number upset me... THAT was the question?
I started thinking and it was a mix of a couple things. Call me crazy, judge all you want. I guarantee you at some point of your life have gone through this.
1. I was upset because LOOSING WEIGHT IS HARD... and I am very upset I now have to start a new five pound weight loss goal which will take at least two to three weeks.
2. 140lb is A LOT closer to 139lb which is in the 130's!! Versus 145 which is rounded to 150 which would now be in the 150 's. Crazy?! I KNOW! BUT it was a thought in my head!!
3. Lastly, I had a play date/group meeting scheduled and these ladies last saw me weighing in at 142... ahhhhhh???!!!
WALA!!!! THAT was it!! The real reason I was sad!!! Having someone see me heavier than before, even if JUST three pounds, is terrifying for me...
I know some of you are like what in the WORLD? BUT when you grow up your entire life hearing," Oh you look heavier, fatter, bigger, than the last time I saw you," It AFFECTS YOU!!!
People don't understand the consequences of their comments and judgements upon other people. Those things hurt so much growing up that now, I am literally scared of gaining weight. I recognize this issue. I would never ever let it escalate to something greater. I DON'T let it stop me from eating, and it doesn't even cause me to yearn EXTREME dieting methods. It just keeps me aware of what my body is doing and always pushing me to improve.
In that aspect being OVERLY CRITICAL is really not that bad?! I kind of encourage being on your toes and recognizing your body BUT I do not condone negative self talk and being sad at the scale! Which is something I am working very hard at!!!
I love being a positive person, I try to promote positivity in everything I do, expecially in weight loss and this journey! It should be about being HEALTHY versus skinny and we should focus on living happily, versus just caring about what we look like.
BUT I would be a phony if I told you I didn't care about it somewhat! I would be a phony if I told you that I didn't worry about what others thought and I would be a phony if I told you I didn't care about the scale!
But I would also be lying if I told you I wasn't PROACTIVELY working on making all those things back ground noise to simply LIVING HEALTHY and being happy with myself! THAT for me is the WHOLE point of this journey! To FEEL good... to be a woman comfortable in her own skin...
I love this poster. It says exactly how I feel. I am obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her skin! And that obsession as long as it's a HEALTH Y balanced one that doesn't cause you harm or to have a disease is actually GREAT motovation. I hope that being this candid helps you get through your struggles because we all have them.
Love you for reading,
Fatfreevee
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