Happy Friday!
A couple of days ago I was having a conversation with a dear friend who mentioned I was lucky to have found someone like my boyfriend who loved me before I lost the weight, that it was a way to know he truly cared for me. The conversation continued to it being some what of a testament to his character. It got me to thinking of the many times friends and I could hear negative commentary from the table next to us about our weight, by the same men, who later couldn't wait to try to get us to go on a "date", as long as his friends weren't looking. Then I asked myself the question, "Why are most men afraid of dating FAT girls??"
Before I get into this subject I want to remind everyone these are MY opinions. The views I have come to understand and believe and think throughout my life and as a former FAT girl. They in no way encapsulate everyone, every FAT girls emotions or man's perspective. Ok, now that that's out of the way.
Why are most men AFRAID of dating FAT girls??
I couldn't tell you the amount of times a man would be staring at me, smiling at me, secretly be interested in me, while I could hear the, oh so witty ridicule, that very guy's friends were cackling about my friend's and my weight at the table across from us; all this, while he joined along with the laughter and hurtful comments. Yet, somehow managed to "accidentally" bump into me by the bathroom and express how, "oh so beautiful", I was and how he would love to take me out on a "date". And by date, he meant somewhere private with minimal people and no chance in hell of running into his friends.
You would be ASTONISHED by how many times this has happened and continues to happen to FAT girls!!
So again, I ask myself, WHY?
Why are most men AFRAID of dating FAT girls?
It all, again in my opinion, is a giant circle fed by society and media. It starts... media depicts skinny as sexy and fat as ugly, society accepts it as the normal, it leads to shaming those who are 1. FAT and 2. Find FAT girls attractive. Then, we as society start living that normal, it feeds into everything we see and do, and pretty soon it becomes an embarrassment to date a FAT girl.
Most men are just embarrassed. Not all, some just genuinely don't find fat girls attractive, which is fine. But there are so many men out there who are embarrassed to like fat girls or any girl who isn't the "normal" picture of beauty, because they are embarrassed and afraid to then be ridiculed.
It gets me to wonder is it because we make it somewhat acceptable to make fun of people who are different?? ... I mean it may not be "pc" to do so. You wouldn't go up to complete strangers and use "Wow that girl is SO FAT" as a conversation starter; but I would be almost willing to bet money, that all of us, at some point, have made at least ONE derogatory joke in expense of someone being different than ourselves or laughed at one that took place. And there you have it...
That is the circle. We fuel it regardless if it's intentional or not, we feed the right for men to be embarrassed to date FAT girls, because they are afraid of being JUDGED and we don't provide them with the tools necessary they need to overcome it. And, well, since most everyone look for acceptance in our lives from others, they rather not take the chance on following their true feelings.
And unfortunately we as a society, don't help make it any better. This is what we have done to ourselves. We congratulate our sons when they have a crush and the first question we ask them, "Is she pretty??" This is innocent and cute at the time, but also planting the seed to the problem in the first place and starting the circle all over again. Because why couldn't we ask if she is , " Smart, kind, funny", all before, if she is pretty?"
We as women feed into it as well, striving for skinny versus healthy, sexy versus smart, hot versus kind, and why??? So that we can be accepted and feel good about ourselves? And how can I even write these words when I so often have BELIEVED that myself???
We have to STOP feeding the monster!!!!
Stop feeding the monster that is media and society norms, STOP looking for the world's approval of our butt, our hair and our nails, our smiles and our EVERYTHING; understand, once in for all, that we are WORTH so much more!
Why is it so much EASIER SAID THAN DONE?
This should be life; we should wake up LOVING ourselves not judging ourselves. We should strive to be better because it would make us feel better for OURSELVES, not for others. If we can make, loving yourself for YOU, become the normal. THAT very concept our loving ourselves, could potentially slow down or even stop shaming, or bullying of any sort. If we were taught the tools needed as a human beings to just appreciate one another for what we are, and love ourselves selflessly, without need for approval from others, we could possibly change the world. Imagine a world were we realize we are imperfect and find beauty in our differences, know those traits make us individuals, and unique and we shouldn't be EMBARRASSED by it.
Let's make it a trend to love ourselves and one another. For you see, this article wasn't really about Why some men are afraid to date fat girls? But about understanding that it isn't entirely their fault. They are a product of the environment and if we change the environment for the better, we would all be better.
Regardless of how much Rob loved me when I was FAT, our relationship is healthier now than ever before. Through this journey, I found myself in my HEALTH and because of it I am a more confident, happy and a whole person. THAT is why our relationship is stronger. Does it help I look better; of course. But because I FEEL better is why my life has changed for the better!
I hope one day to be able to wake up every morning and truly love myself completely. Throw away my scale and focus on looking HEALTHY and feeling HEALTHY. And that is the point of this blog. Not to fat shame but to promote health!
I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend and are blessed. I hope you share this article in hope that it touches someone else enough to share and make positive changes in their life.
Love you for reading,
Fatfreevee!
