Hi all,
Today I am a bit down about my weight and, although candid, I'm going to write about it. Went to Orlando last week for about nine days to visit some family and got the opportunity to head out to a girls weekend in St. Augustine. It was awesome! I had so much fun reconnecting with my best friends just lounging, relaxing, laughing and did I mention eating?! St. Augustine has some pretty amazing restaurants!
I didn't go CRAZY with food and still stuck to some of my rules for eating at a restaurant without curbing your progress http://fatfreevee.blogspot.com/2014/05/step-away-from-bread-basket-restaurants.html?m=1. CHECK it out. Very helpful. Although, I did give into some things I normally wouldn't, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed them!!! But came home and of course was no longer 142 (weight I left to Orlando at), I weighed145 this morning!!! I know you are probably saying, " SERIOUSLY??? What is the big deal??? SO what? You had a good time and you gained three pounds. Hardly anything!", Right? WRONG!
Well? A combination of the two. I am not sad I let go and didn't go crazy with counting calories or watching all of the ingredients and I do not regret any of the choices food wise I made while away; but I am disappointed that I did gain the weight. I was hoping by some miracle I would stay the same. Hahah.
I am not defined by my weight. I am not a better person if I weigh 140 versus 145 but I FEEL better about myself when I do. Or do I????!!!!! Here is a question I asked my self after I weighed myself this morning? WHY AM I SAD???
When I looked in the mirror BEFORE I weighed myself I was happy! But after, I was sad..... so why am I sad? Before the scale told me I gained three pounds, I looked in the mirror and actually liked the way I looked, I was in a great mood and ready to start the day! But AFTER, I was disappointed, sad, felt really gross, even put on some super baggy clothes to mask the three pounds. But WHY? Why did this number upset me... THAT was the question?
I started thinking and it was a mix of a couple things. Call me crazy, judge all you want. I guarantee you at some point of your life have gone through this.
1. I was upset because LOOSING WEIGHT IS HARD... and I am very upset I now have to start a new five pound weight loss goal which will take at least two to three weeks.
2. 140lb is A LOT closer to 139lb which is in the 130's!! Versus 145 which is rounded to 150 which would now be in the 150 's. Crazy?! I KNOW! BUT it was a thought in my head!!
3. Lastly, I had a play date/group meeting scheduled and these ladies last saw me weighing in at 142... ahhhhhh???!!!
WALA!!!! THAT was it!! The real reason I was sad!!! Having someone see me heavier than before, even if JUST three pounds, is terrifying for me...
I know some of you are like what in the WORLD? BUT when you grow up your entire life hearing," Oh you look heavier, fatter, bigger, than the last time I saw you," It AFFECTS YOU!!!
People don't understand the consequences of their comments and judgements upon other people. Those things hurt so much growing up that now, I am literally scared of gaining weight. I recognize this issue. I would never ever let it escalate to something greater. I DON'T let it stop me from eating, and it doesn't even cause me to yearn EXTREME dieting methods. It just keeps me aware of what my body is doing and always pushing me to improve.
In that aspect being OVERLY CRITICAL is really not that bad?! I kind of encourage being on your toes and recognizing your body BUT I do not condone negative self talk and being sad at the scale! Which is something I am working very hard at!!!
I love being a positive person, I try to promote positivity in everything I do, expecially in weight loss and this journey! It should be about being HEALTHY versus skinny and we should focus on living happily, versus just caring about what we look like.
BUT I would be a phony if I told you I didn't care about it somewhat! I would be a phony if I told you that I didn't worry about what others thought and I would be a phony if I told you I didn't care about the scale!
But I would also be lying if I told you I wasn't PROACTIVELY working on making all those things back ground noise to simply LIVING HEALTHY and being happy with myself! THAT for me is the WHOLE point of this journey! To FEEL good... to be a woman comfortable in her own skin...
I love this poster. It says exactly how I feel. I am obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her skin! And that obsession as long as it's a HEALTH Y balanced one that doesn't cause you harm or to have a disease is actually GREAT motovation. I hope that being this candid helps you get through your struggles because we all have them.
Love you for reading,
Fatfreevee
PLEASE SHARE, FOLLOW and COMMENT!
So, coming from the same family as you I can totally relate to how you feel about weight gain. It can be extremely frustrating and traumatic to feel as though you are living your life under a magnifying glass. This "display window" mentality it's difficult to ignore. But trust me, no one can see your three pounds. It's very much just internal thinking. For the rest of us, you're just too skinny for your own good now (which we think out of jealousy, I'm not gonna deny it) and so a few pounds don't make a difference for those around you.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the numbers are just that, numbers. If you feel better and beautiful everyday, don't let the scale make you feel differently. I was at my happiest and healthiest at a size 6-7, my BMI was within healthy limits and I was still considered overweight by about 30 lbs in the numbers. But I felt strong, beautiful and looked great in my clothes. Everyone is different when it comes to weight. It's about what makes you feel best and I can assure you, you look amazing.
Btw, I saw this video some time ago, and when I read this post, I immediately thought of it. Watch it. It's worth your time.
http://tamjamsworld.com/my-journey/
I love you!
I loved that video. Very powerful. And I completely agree about having vision and seeing yourself in the place you want to be. And also loving yourself. I consider myself a very positive person so that's why it was important for me to write this post. Showing that we all have our bad days. Writing this post actually improved my mood very much! I think it's important people recognize weight loss is so much more mental than physical! Also, there will unfortunately always be people who love to feel fulfillment from tearing others down. I will just have to learn to not let those people affect me or my life.
ReplyDeleteVero,I not only understand what you mean .. I go through it on a daily basis and have not lost all the weight you have. I have overcome two tupes of eating disorders and struggle with the thoughts of it every moment of my life. I have not weighed my selfg in quite some time because I hate thinking about the results and the way I feel after. I never seem to be satisfied. Most of the times I am "comfortable" in the way I look, but then I fall apart when Insee certain pictures of myself or when I try to go shopping or even go out with friends, who are all skinny and gorgeous... Or when people say; she has a pretty face though, or oh ,wow, you looked slimmer in the picture... I smile and inside I want to sob, then I get a grip and realize all the harm I did to myself with this obsession and that it made me bigger and sick... I don't have a solution, it's a day by day battle and I am here for you even if it is just moral support. You have been an inspiration to me and to many ,I am sure. Do not become obsessed with numbers that is all in the past... 145 is still 100 y pico de libras menos .. Some of us can't even lose .5 ... Muuuuak
ReplyDeleteHey darling! Thank you for commenting. I want to start off with saying you are just as AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL as your skinny friends and have overcome so so much and should be so proud you are where you are! I wrote this article as a way of showing people how mental weight loss is versus physical. I am so sick of seeing all these super perky weight loss blogs never showing the real side of weight loss. And you know me, I don't do fake. So I took the moment to capitalize on a feeling and show how even after all this weight loss our brain can make us feel we have not done enough, even though we should know better. :) Thank you for your constant support! Love u doll!
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